Skip to main content

Story Lab Week 14: Story Revisions (Week 13)

Siddhartha (the first Buddha) had grown up a prince and was sheltered from the real world for most of his early life. He was even married before getting the explore the world outside of the palace he lived in. One day, The prince wanted to go into the city and see how the people outside of the palace lived. What he did not know is that the king ordered all of the old, sick, poor, and weak people to be taken out of the city. This was done so that the prince would not see the bad things that occurred in the world.

While the prince was riding his chariot through the city he was struck with happiness at all of the youth that he saw. The people and buildings were so young and happy. He continued to ride through the city until he saw and old man come out from around the corner. The chariot stopped and the prince saw the old man. He was confused at first by the lack of youthfulness in the man. He asked his adviser if this was normal and he replied that everyone awaits the same fate of old age. The prince became sad and returned the palace. 

The next day, the prince decided to go for another ride through the city. The king made sure that all of the old people were no longer in the city so that the prince would not have another incident like the day before. Again, Siddhartha was struck with awe when he saw just how healthy all of the plants and people looked. That was until a sick young man who could barely walk came around the corner. The prince saw him and asked his adviser if other people get sick too. He replied that everyone gets sick a some point in their life. The prince once again immediately returned to his palace in sadness. 

On the third day, the prince wanted to try one last time. The king made sure there were no more sick or old people in the city and sent the prince on his way. The prince felt better after seeing all of the life that surrounded him in the city until he saw a dead man being carried for a funeral. He asked his adviser if he too will die one day and he replied that everyone dies eventually. The prince fell sad once more and returned to his palace. This sadness was different for he did not want to go into the city the next day. This is when the first Buddha realized the world is not youthful, healthy, or full of life. 

(Siddhartha's Encounters. Source: Wikipedia)

Author's Note: This week, I decided to revise my story from Week 13. Without realizing it, I had made a few mistakes, including forgetting an authors note. There were also a few forgotten letters or repeat words that I took care of. I also added a few sentences to make the flow of the story better. The reason I wrote this story is because I am currently reading about the Siddhartha in the readings. This story jumped out at me because I always assumed the Buddha to have a lived a wise and happy life. I did not expect him to get sad at the challenges of the world. I liked this because it humanized him and I was able to relate to him.

Bibliography: The Life of Buddha
Labels:

Comments

  1. Escape the Ordinary.....November 23, 2019 at 8:54 PM

    Hi Jacob!
    Although I did not read the original story, I think that you did a great job conveying the meaning. I like how you broke up to the story and each paragraph was a different day that he went out. I also agree with your comment in your author’s note that I always assumed that Buddha already had the knowledge of these things. I think it’s interesting that this story tells us otherwise. Great job with this!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hannah WhitefieldDecember 4, 2019 at 4:15 PM

    Hi Jacob! I think that you made great revisions on this story. I really enjoyed it and think that you are an excellent writer. Your story was very interesting to read, but had a rather sad ending and I am not fond of those. I wish you the best of luck on finals and hope you have had a great semester!

    ReplyDelete
  3. B. AllgoodDecember 5, 2019 at 7:11 PM

    Hi Jacob! I'm not certain where particularly you made the changes you mentioned, but whatever you did really works in this revised version of the story. You have a great pace with the paragraph breaks and nothing stands out as far as content tweaks you should consider making. If nothing else, maybe in the second paragraph you ought to find a synonym for "happy" or "happiness" as this is a tad redundant but again this is personal preference. Though your story deals with some heavy existential realizations for your main character, you still manage to keep it approachable for the reader which I appreciate. Very well done!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Comment Wall

(Sea of Dreams. Source: Pixabay ) Storybook
25 comments
Read more

Introduction to Ya Boi Jacob Heath

Hey all, My name is Jacob, but I go by many nicknames: Jake, Heath (my last name), DJ (it is a long story). You can also just call me Jacob, which is what most people do. My major is microbiology/pre-med. Microbiology is an odd major because the first microbiology course I took was not until second semester junior year, so I am glad I enjoyed it or else I would have wasted my first two years on a major I did not enjoy! I eventual plan is to become a doctor. I still have a long ways to get there, but I am hopeful. People always ask me what specialty I am planning on, and I always hate giving them an answer. That part of my life is sooooo far away that I know my views and likes on different areas of medicine will change. Because most people expect an answer, I tell them sleep medicine because something about sleep and dreams interest me so much. I was the kid who had night terrors and sleep walked (I still do sometimes), so I think it would be a good fit for me. My biggest hobby wo...
16 comments
Read more

Week 12 Story: Seeking Refuge

A family of five stand in the long line at the Mexico/US border trying to get through. The mother asks the father if he has the correct paperwork needed to cross through. They believe there will be no issue as they are only seeking refuge in the states. With anticipation they wait. Longer and longer as the sun beats down overhead. Finally, after about six hours waiting, their turn comes. The border patrol asks for their paperwork. He stares at it for a long time as if trying to find something wrong with it. Eventually he hands it back to them and tells them to pass. The children start to get excited, but the mother tells them to calm down. They are not in the clear until the border is no longer in sight. As they begin the cross the bridge by foot, they are stopped by another patrol. He tells them to come over for a random inspection. The father does not know what they are going to inspect. All they have are the clothes on their backs. The officer searches each one of them, even t...
9 comments
Read more