Day 1: Today I, Ahalya, decided to start writing a diary. There has been a lot on my mind lately and this was the only way I could get it out. If I continue to bottle it up any more, I am going to burst.
Day 2: It has been three days since I have returned to Gautama and he still continues to act as if nothing has changed. Typical man. Acts like everything is fine and dandy after turning me to stone for 16 years. He has not even said sorry!
Day 4: Gautama asked if I wanted to go on a date in two days. Maybe he will finally apologize for turning me to stone after all those years. All I need is closure and I think I am going to get it.
Day 5: Gautama told me to wear my nicest outfit. I have a few to choose from, but I think I am going to go with the red one. It was always his favorite.
Day 6: The date was going so well and as soon as I thought he was going to apologize, he asked if i had any money to pay! HE FORGOT HIS WALLET. I am done.
Day 7: As I was packing up my things, Gautama came in yelling at me for overreacting. Then, he started to apologize. I am not going to accept his pity apologies. I am leaving. I am not sure where I will go, but I cannot stay here.
Day 12: I began walking without a destination when I decided to head towards the Himalayas. I was told by a passerby that I am heading in the right direction.
Day 18: I have still not reached the mountains. I am running out of food sources, but I believe my destination will come soon.
Day 20: I have finally arrived at the Himalayas and you will never guess who I saw! It was Viswamithra. I told him about Gautama and he agreed that what I did was best. He also said I could accompany him until I find out where I am going next.
Day 43: It has been many days since I have last written, but Viswamithra and I have been getting along great. He treats me so much better than Gautama ever did. I may have a crush.
Day 50: Viswamithra told me he loved me. I was so overcome with happiness that I forgot to say it back. I eventually told him the same. I do not believe I need to continue writing any longer. I am happy.
Authors Note: When reading the story of Ahalya, I was frustrated as to why she returned to Guatama after he turned her into stone. I wanted to give her some better closure. As I am a 22 year old man, this was my attempt at writing a females diary. No offense was intended.
Bibliography: The Ramayana, R.K. Narayan. Book
Hey Jacob, I enjoyed the format of this story and found it pretty funny! The original story in the Ramayana does lack closure and I thought this is a good ending that seems like it could have actually happened! My girlfriend also said that she thought it was written by a girl when I read it to her so you did a good job on writing from that perspective!
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DeleteHi Jacob! I think you did a really good job with this story. I thought that the format was very unique, it's a different format from all the stories that I've read so far in this class. I read the PDE version of the Ramayana, so I think my version is a little different than yours. As a young woman, I think you did a good job writing from a female's perspective! I didn't find it offensive in the least if you were worried about that. I again thought it was written well, the only advice I could think to give to help is perhaps try to describe the scene of the date a bit, help the readers to visualize it a bit more. What kind of restaurant were they eating at? Maybe what food they were eating? What does the restaurant look like inside? Just a suggestion, but I think it could potentially take the story to another level. You could also possibly do that for when she meets Viswamithra, you can describe the scenery around her. One last thing is that I don't seem to see any images in the story? An image could also help the reader to visualize what's going on. Other than that, well done!
ReplyDeleteHey Jacob! I was hooked on your story from the very beginning, because when I read the story of Ahalya, I too was shocked that she could just happily return to him, and I loved the perspective shift of having the story told by Ahalya in the first person. Diary-entry style was a creative way of accomplishing that, and I like that you stepped outside your comfort zone to do so. Your story left me wondering-- did Ahalya ever ask for closure/an apology, or was she just waiting for him to speak first? Do you think if she had confronted him about it, it could have gone better, or was her mind made up that she couldn't stay with him after what he did to her (which would be totally understandable imo)? Also, what if you had Ahalya reflect a little more on what it was like being turned to stone, or what her relationship was like before the whole thing happened? Bringing those past experiences into her diary could help the reader understand her perspective more fully. Great story!
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